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Death of a Seed by Vyda Bielkus

There is nothing like a funeral to remind you that life is short, and that breath, prana, life force, indeed at a certain point simply stop.  The surviving family and friends are never ready for the passing of those they care for, and the unknown of this time period, because it is so much bigger than the certainty of the moment that existed right before the last breath.  As the priest spoke about my best friend’s mother, he so eloquently described that her death was just a new beginning in her spiritual journey.  He brought comfort to our grief as he explained that death, this part of our human experience, is a normal part of everything around us, just as a seed first breaks and dies before it blooms into a beautiful flower; our spirit too dies and transforms into a new, yet unknown experience. In this metaphor, we all could find peace in faith that the seed would indeed once again transform into a beautiful flower.

Thinking about our human fate, and my own life, I thought about how many “deaths” my spirit had already experienced and continues to experience as I push the limits of her growth.  The imprints from childhood that etched grooves on my psyche, which as I aged I had to confront in order to thrive.  I had to see how these limiting beliefs and behavior patterns that were formulated so long ago wreaked havoc in my adult life.   I made bad choices and stayed in bad situations for too long. Looking back now I see these were all the Universe’s way of helping me understand, befriend, and dissolve those parts of myself that didn’t believe in herself or didn’t believe in her own worth and power.

By confronting the untruths I formulated and lived by, I was able to let go of the limiting beliefs and behavior patterns that were keeping me in a permanent state of dis-ease.   Each time I confront these patterns, it is like a death. I cry with grief at the pain I had lived with and the loss of my old ways. But by filling the space that is left with faith and trust, I walk a little closer to a new life finding myself that that much closer to blooming.

Our willingness to transform from the carcass of our past is connected to whether we have faith and trust – or we don’t.  Faith is tricky, and we lose it at times, because it can take some time for a seed to germinate into a flower. As we shed old ways that no longer serve us, we need to experiment with new ways that more closely match who we truly are.  It can feel a little lonely, scary, and definitely uncertain.  Yet as you step forward into the new with faith by your side, you can trust that life will provide you the sun and water, through experience, necessary to blossom.

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